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You see things and say, "Why?"
But I dream things that never were and say, "Why not?" --George
Bernard Shaw
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Every truly great accomplishment
is at first impossible.
- What is now proved was once only imagin'd.
--William Blake
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Improvement makes strait roads; but the crooked
roads without improvement are roads of Genius. --William Blake
- The quiet conscience is an invention of the devil. --Albert Schweitzer
- To be an atheist requires an indefinitely greater measure of faith
than to recieve all the great truths which atheism would deny. --Joseph
Addison
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If you bet God exists and
live accordingly, you will have gained much, even if God does not
exist. If you bet the opposite and God does exist, you will
have lost the reason for living right--hence everything. --Blaise
Pascal
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Nietzsche is dead. --God
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Every child is an artist.
The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. --Pablo
Picasso
- I write for the same reason I breathe—because
if I didn't I would die. —Isaac Asimov
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To be what we are, and to
become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.
--Robert Louis Stevenson
- For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: “It might have been!”
—John Greenleaf Whittier
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Man's mind, once stretched
by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. --Oliver
Wendell Holmes
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To handle yourself, use your
head; to handle others, use your heart.
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Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
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A closed mouth gathers no
feet.
- To my mind the life of a lamb is no less precious
than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life
of a lamb for the sake of the human body. I hold that, the more helpless
a creature, the more entitled it is to the protection by man from
the cruelty of man. --Mohandas Ghandi
- I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the
better for it. --Abraham Lincoln
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To err is human, to forgive,
canine.
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An object at rest tends to
stay at rest. --Sir Isaac Newton
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You cannot achieve the impossible
without attempting the absurd.
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All generalizations are false.
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Today is the tomorrow that
you worried about yesterday.
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Living is a disease from which
sleep gives us relief eight hours a day.--Nicolas-Se'bastien Roch
de Chamfort
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Experience is something you
don't get until just after you need it.
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"Reality" is the only word
in the English language that should always be used in quotes.
- Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you fail to focus
on your goals.
- Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that
something else is more important. ~Ambrose
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The real art of conversation
is not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
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You don't stop laughing because
you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
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You can only be young once,
but you can be immature forever.
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I used to think I was indecisive,
but now I'm not too sure.
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Give me ambiguity or give
me something else.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- A snooze button is a poor substitute for no
alarm clock at all.
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Funny, I don't remember being
absentminded.
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The ultimate reason is "because."
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Abandon the search for truth--settle
for a good fantasy.
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I am objective--I object to
everything.
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To steal ideas from one person
is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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It has recently been discovered
that research causes cancer in rats.
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The trouble with doing something
right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it
was.
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Rap is to music what Etch-A-Sketch
is to art.
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Reality is a figment of your
imagination.
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Just when I was getting used
to yesterday, along came today.
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A day without sunshine is
like, night.
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On the other hand, you have
different fingers.
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The only thing that is certain
is change, except from a vending machine.
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Did you ever feel like you're
diagonally parked in a parallel universe?
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Despite the cost of living,
it remains popular.
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He who laughs last thinks
slowest.
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Nostalgia just isn't what
it used to be.
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I miss the good old days.
Things were much more like they used to be back then.
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Ambivalent? Well, yes
and no.
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Out of my mind. Back
in five minutes.
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Everyone thinks I'm psychotic,
except for my friends deep inside the earth.
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They're only trying to make
me look paranoid.
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OK, who stopped payment on
my reality check?
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I'm not tense, just terribly,
terribly alert.
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When someone annoys you, it
takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only
takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and
whack them in the head.
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Honk if you like peace and
quiet!
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Warning: Dates on calendar
are closer than they appear.
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Never do today what you can
put off till tomorrow.
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The more people I meet, the
more I like my pets.
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I drive way too fast to worry
about cholesterol.
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You never really learn to
swear until you learn to drive.
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Road Rage: If you don't
have it, you're probably causing it.
- Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody
But Me."
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I intend to live forever--so
far, so good.
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One of life's mysteries is
how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
- Maybe we should sell handguns by prescription only and let people
buy Prozac at trade shows.
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If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
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When everything's coming your
way, you're in the wrong lane.
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The easiest way to find something
lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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One good turn gets most of
the blankets.
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An unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.
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Health is merely the slowest
possible rate at which one can die.
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Psychiatrists say that one
out of five people is mentally ill. If
four of your friends are okay, then you're the one.
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If you want your spouse to
listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your
sleep.
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Hard work pays off in the
future. Laziness pays off now.
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Time is the best teacher.
Unfortunately, it kills all its students.
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There are three kinds of people:
Those who can count and those who can't.
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Borrow money from pessimists;
they don't expect it back.
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No sense being pessimistic.
It probably wouldn't work anyway.
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No one is listening until
you make a mistake.
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I am, therefore I think.
(That's putting Descartes before the horse.)
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Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes says,
"I think not." Descartes disappears.
- Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.
- Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid
altogether.
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Murphy's Law: The probability
of someone watching you is directly proportionate to the stupidity
of your actions.
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Laugh at your problems; everyone
else does!
