Newton always got all the good lines. Or at least they sounded that way
when he delivered them! (Warning: I've tried not to give too much away,
but there may be a few minor plot spoilers here for astute readers.) Click
on underlined quotes for a RealPlayer sound clip.
(screenplay by Lawrence Edward Watkin, from the novel
by Robert Louis Stevenson):
" 'Awr-kins. 'Tis a proper seafarin' name too."
"Ah-hahahahah ... Lord love me, lad. Don't you know that them
that sailed with Admiral 'Awrke 'ad no speakin' acquaintance with pirates
... 'less'n they boarded us! Ah-hahahahah. Ar, Jim, you're the spit
'n' image o' me when I was your age. 'Ead full o' pirates. But ye'll
find, same as I, that the biggest satisfaction a man gets is doin' 'is
"Sit ee down at table to starboard if ye kindly will, aaaaaarrrrrrrrr."
(To his parrot, Captain Flint:)"Ain't you the pretty one, swearin'
blue fire in front of a gentleman."
"Well, blow me down for an old sea carf."
"You're a smart one, Jim, smart as paint you are."
"If you clamps your deadlights on that
there Black Dog again, repel boarders."
"That's my meanin', matey. You've got the word of Long John Silver.
for an .MP3 sound clip (609K) of the scene that includes the previous
two lines (submitted by Paul Anderson)]
Captain Smollett: "Unto Almighty God, we commend the soul of
our brother departed and commit his body to the deep."
Silver, gravely: "Ar-men."
"There'll be no killin' till I gives the word."
"You thick-headed swab."
"You'll get plenty o' cut an' rip when the time comes. But until
I gives the signal, lay to."
"When the thirst is on 'e, hahahahah, bite into a pippin real
savage. Hahahahah. It staves off the desire."
"Merry, you blunderin' squid."
"That's very civil spoke, Israel 'Ands. An' now we'll put 'n
t' George if I'm t' take any more of 'is saurce."
" 'Try reasonin' first,' says I. I never was one to see poor
seamen shot down needlesslike."
"You're a good man, Doctor. I never seen a better. And I'd 'ate
t' see the likes o' you skewered on the end of a pike."
"If sailor tales to sailor tunes,
Storm and adventure, heat and cold,
If schooners, islands, and maroons,
And buccaneers, and buried gold,
And all the old romance, retold
Exactly in the ancient way,
Can please, as me they pleased of old,
The wiser youngsters of today,
So be itha-har!and fall
"Them that live'll have a tale to tell."
"Why you double-dealin' swab!"
[Re: the ship's cargo of goats and other livestock] "Get these
four-legged swabs off my quarterdeck. I be cap'n 'ere!"
"Stow that gab."
"Get up, you weak-kneed sniveller!"
"Why you You slimy squid!"
"Now, now, stow that firearm. This be peaceful tradin'."
[On being told he looks ill:] " 'Tis naurght but a touch of land-bound
"You'll obey orders from your cap'n or you'll walk the plank.
You mutinous maggot!"
From the episode "Devil's Stew." [to his old friend "Devil"
Dixon, who has supposedly reformed his dastardly ways and become wealthy:]
"The last time I heard of you, they was fixin' for you to dance
at the end of a rope in Tortugar." (MC)
From "Tale of a Tooth": "I'm sufferin' the tortures
o' the devil, Jim. ... Oh! The hammerin's beatin' so hard, I-I can feel
the pain in the toes of the leg I ain't got." (SM)
From "The Eviction:" Jim [at his studies]: "How do
you spell 'excellent,' Long John?"
LJS: "Er now, let's see, um, E-uh-X-S-L-uh-uh . . .
Jim: "Isn't there a 'C' in it? E-X-C-E-L . . .?"
LJS: "No, no. I know there's an 'S' there somewhere. Why don't
ee rub it out an' use the word 'good'?"
Jim: "You don't understand. You see, 'excellent' is better than
LJS: "Well, I've never seen 'weather excellent' entered in a ship's
log. 'Tis a word that just ain't used."
[In true pirate democratic form, Captain Silver calls a ship's council
to determine the "correct" spelling.] (SM)
(To "Dr." Maynard:) " 'ere, 'ow many men 'ave you made
'ash of with all them sawrs and reamers?" (TM)
Maynard (removing a bullet from Blackbeard's neck): "How long
has this been in here?"
Blackbeard: "Since about daybreak. ..."
Maynard: "... You've carried this all day and stayed on your feet?"
Blackbeard: "Why not? A bullet don't weigh nothin'." (Kristine)
Blackbeard [appraisingly]: "What be your name, gal?"
Edwina [suddenly recognizing him]: "Blackbeard!"
Blackbeard: "No. I be Blackbeard." (RR)
Blackbeard (appraising Edwina, after uncloaking her fiery red dress):
"Ha-harrrr ... Little Robin Red-Breast. I be a great lover
o' nature. However, we'll go into that later."
Edwina: "If I had a pistol, I'd shoot out your gizzard pin!"
Blackbeard: "Arr, a fiery wench, eh? [Turning to inspect Alvina
(Irene Ryan), Edwina's 'lady in waiting':] And what might this be? A
plucked chicken?" (SG)
Blackbeard (to Edwina): "What, you ain't seen 'im? I left 'im
'angin' around 'ere someplace."
Maynard: "I saw a man hanging from the yardarm."
Blackbeard: "Arrr! There's a man what seen 'im!"(TM)
Alvina: "Poor Edwina. She does the most awful things!"
Blackbeard: "Like what? ..."
Alvina: "Well, she's very fond of bathing."
Blackbeard: "Bathing? In water?"
Alvina: "She swims in it."
Blackbeard: "You mean she gets wet all over? On purpose?"
[Noisily devouring a leg of unidentified meat with one hand while
washing it down with copious amounts of rum with the other:] "Maynyard!"
[belches while continuing to gorge himself] "Maynyard!"
[goes off to find the "sawrbones," still gnawing on the carcass
and belching] "Maynyard! Maynyard!
I got a pain in my innards!" [takes several more mouthfuls
before finally putting two and two together and grumpily flinging the
leg in a corner] "Maynyard! ..."
Blackbeard, to Noll, the black-bearded, "poodle-headed beachcomber
vot tinks he's you" (in the words of the "Dutchman"),
dressing him up and convincing him to pose as himself: "Ar. You're
gonna kill Morgan yourself."
Noll [eagerly]: "Kill Morgan."
Blackbeard: "Ah-har. You'll charge his men, and then you'll drive
'em all into the sea ... and they'll run like pigs, thinking you were
me. Heh-heh-heh-heh. Ar. Can you 'oller? ... All right then. Keep
'ollerin'. 'Gather around, gather around Ned Teach.'"
Noll: "Gather to you?"
Blackbeard: "No, no, no, no, you're me!"
Noll: "Gather to me!"
Blackbeard: "Ha-har, that's right!"
Noll: "Gather to me! Gather to me!"
Blackbeard: "Ha-har. You'll 'ave a gay time out there, you will,
when they 'ears that, heh-heh-heh ..."
Noll: "Gather to me! ..."
Worley: "What about Blackbeard?"
Disgruntled, scheming crew member: "The devil with Black"
Blackbeard, suddenly emerging from the hatch: "Ar, the devil'll
see you first; I myself'll arrange that."
[Singing to himself]:
"There was a jolly miller,
Lived on the River Dee.
He looked beneath his piller,
And there he found a flea.
Ho ho ho ho hee hee, he cried with glee."
"Arrr ... Ha-harrr!"
Jamaica Inn (screenplay
by Joan Harrison, based on the novel by Daphne du Maurier):
[To the wreckers, after making short work of the first one sent in
to recapture him and Mary from the cave where they are hiding]: "Any
more? We're fond of company."
Jem [attempting to escape as the wreckers invade the cave from above]:
"Can you swim?"
Mary: "A little."
Jem: "Take off that dress."
Jem: "And your shoes, quick."
Mary: "But I can't do that."
Jem: "Take it off."
Mary: "I can't."
Jem: "All right, then I will."
Mary: "No, you won't. I will." (SM)
The Beachcomber(screenplay by Sydney Box from the story by Somerset
"I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole!"
"What?! Me and that sanctimonious, psalm-singing little
prig? Oh, it's too much!"
"Sorry, I'm not feeling very human today."
"And don't expect me to send a wreath to your funeral. Because
you won't get one."
"Anyone who drinks water deserves all they get."
Three (screenplay by Malcolm Stuart Boylan,
Tom Reed, and Marguerite Roberts, very, very loosely based on a story
by Rudyard Kipling):
"Arr, I wouldn't
part with that no more than my mother if I had one."
Captain Pindenny (David Niven): "Can you moo like a cow, Sykes?"
Sykes (Newton): "I'm bad out of practice, sir. ... [awkwardly:]
Fire Over England (screenplay
by Clemence Dane and Sergei Nolbandov from the novel by A.E.W. Mason):
[as Don Pedro, one of the villainous Spaniards, speaking tenderly
to his beloved] "You see, Elena, the whole trouble comes from treating
your enemies like human beings. Don't you see, my dear, that if you
do that, they cease to be enemies? Think what that leads tothe
end of patriotism, the end of war ... It's the end of everything."
This Happy Breed (by
Sylvia: "There's not so much to do since Mrs. Flint passed
Frank (RN): "Now don't talk so soft, see. Mother died, see? First
of all she got flu, and that turned to pneumonia; a strain o' that affected
her 'eart, which was none too strong at the best o' times, and she
died. It's nothin' to do with passin' on at all."
Sylvia: "'Ow do you know?"
Frank: "I know it's only your new way of talkin', but it gets me
Ethel: "What are you shoutin' about?"
Frank (annoyed): "We're not shoutin' about nothin' at all. I'm
merely explainin' to Sylvia that Mother died. She didn't 'pass on,'
'pass over,' or 'pass out.' She died."
Frank: "Wish you'd get someone else in place
Ethel: "I don't need anyone now there's only the three of us."
Frank: "Heh. What anyone ever wanted to marry her for beats me."
Ethel: "No reason why they shouldn't; she was a good girl and a
Frank: "Exactly the reason I married you: 'She may not be much
to look at,' I said to myself, 'but there's a worker if ever I saw one.'"
Valjean (protesting): "Surely the law..."
Javert: "The law allows you nothing."
Valjean: "This is common humanity!"
Javert: "I am an officer of the law doing his duty. It makes no
difference what I think or feel or want. It has nothing to do with me.
Jim Mollison (serving dinner to his date, Amy Johnson): "D'you
like an olive?"
Amy (demurely): "Thank you."
Jim: "And do you like sardines?"
Jim: "And do you like Russian salad?"
Jim: "D'you like me?"
Amy (taken aback): "I don't know ..."
Jim: "Well, why don't you marry me and find out?"
by Stanley Haynes and David Lean from the novel by Charles Dickens):
"What's it all about, Fagin?"
"None o' your misterin'; you know my name."
[To his dog:] "Come in, ye sneakin' cur. What're ye 'anging about
"Fair or not fair, give it 'ere, you avaricious old skeleton."
"[The cold] must be a piercer t'find its way through your
by Anatole de Grunwald and George Bernard Shaw, from Shaw's play):
"You go and forgive me again and I'll go and forgive you one
on the jaw that'll stop you prayin' for a week!"
"What good are you, you old palsied maggot?"
"I don't want none o' your clatt'rin' jaw, see. I s'pose you
think I came 'ere to beg from yer like this damaged lot 'ere. Not me.
I don't want none o' your bread and scrape. And I don't believe in your
Gawd neitherno more than you do yourself. I'm goin' to the Tower
Bridge to get out o' the reach o' your tongue."
"Whatgoin' to marry 'im? ... 'Eaven 'elp 'im, 'eaven 'elp
'im. ... I've only 'ad to stand it for an afternoon'e'll 'ave
to stand it for a lifetime."
"Can't you never keep your mouth shut?"
Walker (Newton): "You want t'know where the dirt come from, don't
yer? ... Well, it came off the ground at Tower Bridge, see. It got rubbed
off by my shoulders."
Major Barbara: "It's a pity it wasn't rubbed off by your kneesthat
would've done you a lot of good."
Walker: "I was savin' another man's knees at the time ... Kneelin'
on me 'ead 'e was14 stone 5. Prayin' comfortable, wi' me as a
"Never mind my dear 'eart, 'ow 'bout my ribs?" (ED)
"I can't stand out against music-hall wrestlers and artful-tongued
"What price salvation now?"
Androcles and the Lion (screenplay
by Ken Englund and Chester Erskine, adapted from George Bernard Shaw's
"I have not always been faithful. The first man who struck me,
as you have just struck me, was a stronger man than you. He hit me harder
than I expected. I was tempted and fell. It was then that I first tasted
bitter shame. I never had a happy moment after that until I'd knelt
and asked his forgiveness by his bedside in the hospital."
"Oh, do not harden your heart, young man. Come try for yourself
whether our way is not better than yours. I will now strike you,
and you will turn the other cheek and learn how much better you'll feel
by not giving way to the promptings of anger. ... Come, friend, courage.
I may hurt your body for a moment, but your soul will rejoice in the
victory of the soul over the flesh."
"... I saved his soul; what matters a broken jaw? ... [Our religion]
commands me to strike him. How could he turn the other cheek if he is
not first struck on one cheek?"
Many thanks to the following contributors, whose initials follow their
contributions: Paul Anderson (PA), Mary Condon (MC), Eva Danø (ED),
Susan Gantz (SG), David Lee (DL), Roy Parker (RP), Kristine, Todd Malone
(TM), Bob Miller (BM), Spev Moon (SM), Roland Rod (RR)
Do you have a favorite Robert Newton line that's not included here and
should be? Please click here to e-mail me.